Untuk kali ke berapa entry tentang dia..ya allah kenapa..adakah sebab aku di fasa kenangan setahun lalu.. hari ini 28/12/17.. dimana pada 28/12/16 hatiku sedang merasa nikmat bercinta yg paling agung utk seorang lelaki yg susah untuk aku lupa..perasaan itu..rasa itu..cinta itu.. Walaupun pada masa tu aku belum jumpa face to face dgn dia..tp hati aku dh cukup sarat dgn sayang dan rindu..hingga aku nekad... ''Okey,tahun depan sy setuju awk dtg rumah sy. Kita tunang.'' Keputusan yg tak pernah terfikir utk aku ungkap. Tp kerana dia... Tapi hari ini..mana engkau?
why i said last?.. Because he’s already finish his contract with mydin. And now we’re no longer in a same place. He’s going to find a new job and meeting a new friend and maybe a new girl crush whichhh wayyy better than me. And here am i... Still missing him. I thought about him all time. Yess i become more focused toward my job now but deep inside, i did it to make me busier...so I didn’t habe to think about him. But everytime i pause, i still think about him 😢 this pain is real...i still can see his present at every glance. If only he can be on my side forever... But it’s just a dream. He’s got his own girl and I’m stupid if I’m hoping anything from him. I dont know if it’s love or what but whatever it is... it is one pure feeling i have towards him..he’s not the dream guy i dream...he’s totally opposite everythinf..but he really have this pure heart that i searcing for.. But it’s over now.. Yesterday, 9/10/2020 was his last day working here. He did say goodbye ...
It's been exactly 5 month now. But everything still clearly in my mind. Every single thing.. i still remembered the feeling the weather the voice the moments..and every fucking detailed things. And yes it is a burden!!! I feel like a prisoner. Stuck with his beautiful memories forever. Oh no...actually her beautiful fake memories. No i dont miss him or everything. It just my heart keep saying to myself that it is just a dream so why must u hate the memories. Yeahh..i guess dream is supposed not to be a matter or something that u should bothered. In the end it will just faded away. I hope so.. Please go away..dream. stop it. . By the way im better handling with my life now. Whenever i feel so lonely i will quickly find my family or my friends. They sure know how to make me feel worthy. Such feelings that i never feel whem im with guys. So tell me why should i accept any guy after this. No way man. I got everything more than what i want.
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